Sunday, February 24, 2013

The Case for Civility



Civility personified

According to the inimitable Shona Chaudhury, the language we Indians use is to corner each other. Dealing with other Indians seems to bring out the worst in us. Even if we do extend co-operation it isn’t to feed our higher intrinsic values but for personal gain – the what’s-in-it-for-me syndrome. 

There was a time when this wasn't the case. The majority used to be civil and genuinely helpful. That Indians would be anything else to one another wasn't something I even considered. Why is this wonderful culture eroding?

There are many and varied reasons why we get reduced to being ungenerous or arrogant towards others. One of them is to keep others out of our exclusive group. Often it is to hide feelings of inadequacy. On the other hand, it could well be crass self-admiration. Perhaps too many people having to share too few resources has something to do with it. What complicates the issue for us Indians is that the gap between the privileged and under-privileged is huge. 

When we see the ones who are privileged or prosperous benefitting from arrogance, we try and emulate their behaviour. It gradually seeps into our psyche and our system. And don’t let’s forget the other side of the coin. The ones who are prosperous or privileged see for themselves and know in their hearts how little difference there really is between them and the underprivileged. That causes a fear psychosis of its own. Many of us take on the ugly mantle of arrogance to keep the others in their place and so that we don’t have to share our privileges or resources. 

There is another kind of arrogance that needs a quick mention. It is more complex than bludgeoning arrogance. It stems from a variety of reasons and sometimes it is self defence because one doesn't know how the other person will react to civility. Will they mistake it for familiarity? Or horror of horrors, an invitation or a come on? This happens when we live side by side with a whole variety of cultures. Some of us grow up believing that even talking to members of the opposite sex is being "lose" and others mingle freely without giving it a second thought. What happens when the two cultures live on each others doorsteps could well be the stuff comedies or tragedies are made of. That's the sort of sitcom (hopefully a comedy, hopefully subtle) I'm looking forward to watching on Indian TV someday.

Which brings me to another kind of subtle pressure that comes our way - from our movies. To convey superiority, the hero clicks fingers at the less fortunate, like waiters; a man of means slaps or scolds the economically downtrodden like the chaprasi or gurkha; and our varied public drinks it all in. In a horrible blend of movies and real life we see some grown people touching the toes of politicians - often uneducated ones who hold portfolios they are ill qualified for - to curry favour. At the same time they use peremptory tones with others because movies have taught them it proves their superiority. 

Our politicians  encourage this because to them, our servility means money and power. It is heady. If they have to use the services of goons to keep us afraid and servile, they don’t hesitate. The end isn’t something as highfaluting as benefit of the people and the country but their having the purse strings in their clutches and no one – except other, stronger politicians with bigger goons – challenging their decisions. In short, it is the rule of the jungle over and above the rule of law; the rule of arrogance and servility over pride and humility; everything that is inherently decent in the human spirit subjugated to everything that is base.

If we scratch at the surface of this wish to abase ourselves to some and be insensitive and downright bludgeoning to others we realise it stems from the same basic instinct for survival - fear.

It is time we asked ourselves if we need to give in to our baser instinct by using arrogant or sycophantic language or behaviour. If you believe we do, don’t waste your time reading any further. Otherwise, read on.

Servility makes the one who has to dish it out resentful. Arrogance makes the recipient resentful. Your gain is my loss and vice versa. The truly civilised or the truly informed and educated don’t feel the need to do either. In their minds, either arrogance or abasing oneself to others is crass and ignorant. They use language that brings out the best within themselves and others; that resonates with their humanity and quest for knowledge. They seek co-operation and win-win. They know that being polite costs nothing, appeals to the human spirit and gets the work done. 

As Steven Covey would feel the need to qualify at this juncture, this isn’t about outward change where we are able to express ourselves and make a point. Nor is this about handling ourselves with skill and poise. It isn't about, Oh, I'm so exquisitely polite. 

It isn’t about our persuasive skills either. It’s about stopping abrasive and unnecessary put downs; about changing our behaviour so that we start feeling good, not just about ourselves (which is a negative, victorious, disrespectful and often ignorant kind of "good" at someone else's expense) but about other Indians too.  It is about plain and simple respect for ourselves and others.

What would convince us to strive for such behaviour? Some of us, in our minds, equate it with weakness. (If I don’t take advantage, they will...) Here's a thought, derived from this article on wiki, that might convince us otherwise. 

If we believe we'd like to be arrogant with some and servile with others, someone else believes the same about us. They like being arrogant with us and our being servile to them. That is exactly what we don’t want. On the other hand if civility were the norm, they would hesitate to be either arrogant or servile with anyone - including us. 

So even if it is a question of making rational choices it stands to reason that we behave civilly with all, as evenly and consistently as possible. 

One thing that could well mean genuine respect for many in India could be to see what education does to the underprivileged. So many NGOs are doing admirable work in that field. It would be great if all of us took the trouble to find out who these NGOs are in our immediate vicinity and what they do.

Here are a couple of interesting articles on arrogance
How to Detect Arrogant People
10 Ways to Tell if You're Confident - or Arrogant

 

Thursday, February 14, 2013

The Zoo of Democracy


Please help me welcome Amit of Mashed Musings as my guest writer. He is guaranteed to put a smile on your face. Take one of his recent posts – he started off by talking about the lijjat papad ad. I haven’t seen the ad but apparently a family of bunnies promoted the papads and urged the nation to eat them as they were very karrram-kurrram. Wife bunny wore a bindi and ended up reproducing a baby bunny. A very young Amit thought for a long time after, that babies were created by eating papads and watched his parents at the dinner table with horror as they merrily crunched through a plateful every night. 

Amit has another talent - one that I really appreciate not only in him but also in one or two other bloggers. Even as he makes us laugh he feeds us the scary and unpalatable truth about his beloved India. 


Delighted to have you as my guest, Amit.



It is a zoo of wonders, the first of its kind. It is a necessity too. Where else can we keep all those dangerous, carnivorous animals we have caught? The funding is clandestine but everyone knows where it comes from. There are enough madmen in the country with a lot of money.

It is named – The Zoo of Democracy.

One fine morning, I decided to pay a visit. Everyone was going cacophonously gaga over it and hurting my eardrums. My wife seemed happy with the idea of a picnic.

We reached the elaborate main gate done in the style of Buland Darwaza, radiating a mysterious aura. It took me some time to get the tickets as the crowd was overwhelming.

Then I saw him – a giant of a man, moustached and wearing a saffron shirt, white trousers and green shoes. He was huge but not scary for he was smiling benevolently at the crowd at the entrance. His appearance was striking. His right forehead seemed to be a bit flattened as if someone had lobbed off a chunk. His arms were uneven, the right one slightly thicker than the left. His legs gave the impression of being tapered at the feet, giving his lower body a triangular appearance. 

No one wanted a Guide but I thought it would be a good idea to have someone show me around. Surprisingly, he was the only guide available.

A few minutes and pleasantries later, we were trailing the human flag.

We reached the first circular cage which had huge red horns coming out of its iron dome and a red tail coming out of the base. Inside it we spotted our first dangerous animal.

“Behold the beast, dear Sir and Madam. This beast is called Salman Rushdie. This unique cage was especially designed for him. He is one of our most prized possessions,” the guide chirruped. A couple asked us to take their picture with Salman reading ‘The Satanic Verses’ calmly in the cage, raising a singular, amused eyebrow at the act.

We moved to the next cage which was partially covered with an enormous white drape. Only the front was visible.

“This animal here is called Taslima Nasreen; very dangerous and viperous. She wrote a book about Hindus being killed in Bangladesh and had to be instantly caged. Photo, dear sir?” the guide asked with a smile.

We declined politely and moved ahead as Taslima looked at us curiously with an uninterested yawn.
We came across a rectangular cage. No human was visible but there was a huge painting of prancing horses in the middle.

“This animal died a few weeks back but we thought of keeping his memory alive. He was a big catch. God! How much publicity we gained when we caught him!” the Guide said.

“Hussain’s cage,” I whispered to my wife. She nodded and took pictures.

“I’ve heard there are cages for common animals,” wifey said.

“Of course, Madam! This initiative was started some time back and is gaining popularity,” the guide beamed. He took us to a large rectangular cage where a lot of animals sat and stared listlessly.

“Why are they not kept in separate cages?” I asked.

“They are common animals. Separate cages are for celebrities, our most coveted catches,” the Guide explained.

“Who are they?” my Mrs. asked.

“These three female animals sitting in a corner tried to form a girl band. And those two animals wrote a Facebook comment. And that male animal sitting there helped release video tapes of moral policing. That animal sitting over there made a cartoon and that one asked an uncomfortable question to a Chief Minister,” the guide added.

I took pictures of the sullen animals.

“Why do you call them animals?” I asked.

The Guide studied me for a moment.

“Because that is what they are. Why will we keep humans in cages? They are examples of what’s wrong with our society. They are detrimental to the progress of our great nation. They have to be separated from humans before the rot spreads,” he said, softly.

“Who is in that cage?” my wife asked pointing at a shiny cage glittering with disco lights. There was a huge crowd around it. People were frivolously taking pictures of the latest attraction.

“We acquired this animal a few days back. He is very popular,” the guide said.

We moved closer and jostled our way in to see the animal. He was staring at the crowd, lost in his own thoughts, seeing everyone and not seeing anyone.

“Kamal Hassan!” my wife jumped with joy.

“We have Deepa Mehta, Nandita Das and Shabana Azmi in the adjacent cages. The one surrounded with water is Deepa’s and the one surrounded with fire on all sides contains the other two,” the guide said pointing to two cages nearby.

It took us the whole day to cover the zoo. It was spread over a huge area and our Guide was very patient. He entertained us with his jokes while he showed us hundreds of cages containing film makers, painters, writers, artists and other common animals. Then he took us to the canteen where we had snacks with him.

“Who funds the zoo?” I asked him in-between sips of tea.

“Our funds are overflowing, Sir. There are so many religious people in this country who understand the need for this unique zoo and who graciously help us. Of course we have secret political funding too,” the Guide said.

How long have you been working here?” my wife asked.

“Haha! I own this place. I created it. This guide job was just a fancy of mine,” the guide laughed and said.

I choked on my tea.

I was not sure how I felt about my visit to the zoo. If everyone was saying those animals were dangerous, then they must be, right? All I had to do was live my life in the prescribed way and ask no questions. How difficult could that be?

As the day ended, the guide took us to the main gate and bid us goodbye. It was then that I realized that I hadn’t asked his name.

“Sir!” I turned around and screamed. The Guide looked at me.

“What is your name?”

“India,” he said and smiled.

[image from here]

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Values, Traditions and the Law



India is a vast country. We’ve been multicultural since centuries – Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs, Christians, Buddhists, Parsis; and we are multilingual – at least seventeen different languages and 5 to 600 dialects. 

A country like ours is bound to have vastly differing values. 

Some of our sensibilities are completely foreign to each other. Our close proximity as neighbours, at work, on our beaches, in our restaurants, on public transport and everywhere in between means we constantly witness those differences. The majority of our people are tolerant and in fact, might even enjoy those differences.

Some are intolerant. That is also acceptable as long as that intolerance doesn’t translate into their physically or mentally hurting the hateful "others". 

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That is why there has to be no ambiguity about what is punishable by law and what isn’t. 
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In India there is. People believe, by virtue of their power, money or influence they can break the law and get away with it.

For that very reason, the sooner we (especially our law enforcement agencies) learn to respect the laws of the land, the more we realise that certain things are punishable whatever our justification, the more we’ll be able to co-exist and even prosper together. 

The alternative is chaos.

"It would be a fair comment,” she stated, “that we all react differently to different cultures. Most of us accept that whilst we follow our own traditions, we need to let other communities follow theirs; that the common umbrella we all share is that of our humanity, guided by the laws of our city. This helps provide order, peace and justice through which we share our city's resources. This umbrella covers all of us in our diversity; all of us have to obey its dictates to be able to live and prosper together, under its shade. 

And then,” Bharati paused before declaring, “…there are the others.” 
(Excerpt – Never Mind Yaar, first published in October, 2000.) 
[To find out what Bharati believes is the mindset of our traditionalists and why we don’t react strongly to their intolerance of the hateful “others” please wait for the book to be published in India.]

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