Friday, November 30, 2012

“A Fait Accompli” - My Entry for the ‘Get Published’ Contest



After the first flush of love it dawns on each partner that the other isn’t perfect. How do we avoid the pitfalls of seeing each other deal with life’s problems, often ineptly, at consistently close quarters? It isn’t possible to wear a “face” all the time. Trust and appreciation certainly help. How do we build that trust? A droplet at a time. Every moment either adds to or depletes that trust.

My idea: To talk about two such moments in time. The first shows how easy it is to ruffle emotions.  

Background: On one of our walks my husband and I met a little boy who told us all about his dog, his mum and their ages. 

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"Hello, little doggy," he said. All of 800 millimeters high, I guess he felt mighty tall compared to our dog. Then he looked up at us. "What's your doggy's name?"
"Kara," I said.
"Ka--ra," he felt the name on his tongue, stroking her gently.
"I like it," he pronounced, smiling happily. We were both absurdly pleased with his seal of approval.
“How old is Kara?”
"She's an old lady. She's sixteen," said my husband.
"Oh,” said the young fella, looking up at us with eyes that were suddenly anxious. Mystified, we looked back at his worried face. We could tell he wanted to say something. We waited, encouraging smiles on our faces. “I have a dog too,” he announced finally.
“Really? What’s your dog’s name?”
“Cuddles,” he said his eyes softening momentarily. The next second they clouded over again. He quickly turned away. We wondered what was bothering him even as we watched him, fascinated. What an amazingly mobile face. Unable to keep his worry to himself a moment longer he turned to face us and blurted out in a rush, “He and my mum are very old. They’re twenty-one..."
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As you can imagine after that conversation we were in high spirits. We continued our walk, still on the topic of "age" and how being "old" was relative. Neither of us was averse to pulling the other's leg. I teased my partner about his great age. He was then thirty-five. He gave back as good as he got. Then... he said something which implied criticism to me. I pretended nothing was wrong but I was upset. I was able to work things out to our satisfaction only after, and perhaps because of, the second incident in which I was nervous about revealing a secret.  

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How do you let your husband in on a carefully guarded secret? Especially if you’ve held back for two whole years?
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This incident evoked emotions which were mere blips on my radar screen at the time. I didn’t realise how long those feelings would stay with me and how much they’d colour my perspective and reaction to things for years to come.



If you'd like to find out what my carefully guarded secret was (and if you like my idea) please head over to http://www.indiblogger.in/getpublished/idea/246  and "like" this post by clicking on the heart.


This is my entry for the HarperCollins–IndiBlogger GetPublished contest, which is run with inputs from Yashodhara Lal
and HarperCollins India.  

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Monday, November 26, 2012

Why Some People are Sceptical about the AAP



It is official. It’s the Aam Aadmi Party – the AAP. Why would it be good for the nation? 

First, the party hopes to address corruption. And second, they intend that there will be no muzzling of the aam aadmi. They have a proven track record. They’ve invited honest feedback while others have tried to muzzle the opinions of the common citizens of India. Ordinary people have gone to jail for daring to criticise political parties and their leaders. Rule by fear.

Still, there are some people who are wary of giving the AAP a chance. They want change with all their hearts. They hate the corruption they face daily. They know what it has done to the nation. 

But these are some of the things that stop them. There’s the fear of the unknown. They don’t wish to take a chance with a new party. They’d rather settle for whatever is known. At least it has constancy – they know how to handle the corruption and they know they have to pay up – whatever the price – if they want daal roti or anything legitimate done for themselves. Who knows what might be brought into the equation through unknowns? 

  • It doesn’t matter that the known parties are trying to muzzle the ordinary citizens and sending them to jail for voicing their opinions. 
  • It doesn’t matter that thanks to corruption in individual members of existing parties many Indians have remained mired in poverty with a complete lack of health, education, shelter, food, clothing and employment. 
  • There have been scams to make land grabs legitimate. This has resulted in suicide and depression. 
  • The corruption perception index puts India at 3.1 out of 10
  • the air we breathe, the soil we grow our produce in or let our cattle graze in and our drinking water makes ours an environmentally poor country to grow up in. 
We would rather take all that than take a chance with a new party.


We are meek and submissive as our current politicians want us to be. How was it possible to put those ordinary individuals in jail? We could all see that state machinery was used - for example, the police. Who had the power to call on that state machinery to do their bidding? Do we have to be scared of passing our opinions? Or is it something we are used to anyway so where's the problem?

And last, but not least, there’s apathy. “It is hot, I am busy, I hate politics, we'll always have corruption in politics or how will just one vote – mine – make such a difference” are all excuses we use to remain apathetic.

My hope is that come election time each and every Indian will know and appreciate not only Arvind but all the AAP party members of which there are 300 right now. 

Here are some of the things I appreciate in Arvind - the AAP leader. He has an elephantine memory. Politicians have tried everything in their power to bring him down but he’s always come back with facts and figures to confound their efforts. They’ve made accusations that he is self serving; that he wants to enter politics for himself; that he’s simply using the platform of corruption for his personal ambitions. His response has been to let them know he's only joined politics to fight the system from within. He, Anna and so many Indians tried letting politicians (of all parties) know how much the aam aadmi hated their corrupt ways. This was without wanting to join politics but through peaceful protests. The response from politicians was to pretend they were agreed to bringing in a law to punish corrupt politicians. Their version of that law, as we all know, was to once again put themselves in charge of the investigations against themselves.

I’d like to close this post by talking about Anna and Arvind. They are two sides of the same coin. Arvind’s move of forming a political party has Anna’s blessings. Anna has promised to campaign for Arvind’s party members as long as they are not corrupt.  The 2 As make the most perfect foil for each other. Both have the good of their country at heart. Anna likes working with his hands. Who isn’t impressed with the way he’s turned his village from abject poverty into prosperity. Not for him the complexities of the letter of the law and debates. Those are in the capable hands of someone with a memory for facts and figures - the articulate Arvind Kejriwal and his Aam Aadmi Party.

Note: The Aam Aadmi Party website has pages under the title “Agenda” that explain exactly what they are planning to tackle and how. Watch this video to find out what you can do to join the party, what pamphlets you can distribute etc.



Saturday, November 17, 2012

Hip and Bosom Thrusting Babes



I was reading a post here about hip and bosom thrusting babes. Most of you wouldn’t even bat an eyelid leave alone recoil in shock except if I told you these were babes barely out of their cradle. 

Yes, this post is about what we can do to prevent this trend - of toddlers who, with their parents’ approval, enter beauty competitions and buy dolls that they can breast feed - from catching on. 

Demarcations vary from parent to parent for a whole host of complex reasons. I wouldn’t try and tell any individual parent what’s okay and what isn’t. But I’d rather this trend didn’t spread. 

Life is all about emulating your peers or someone you admire. How do you tell a child who is innocently copying gyrations from other young kids on TV - moves that look decidedly "adult", that it isn’t okay? Would a simple “NO” suffice? 

New age parents might feel that does a lot of psychological damage to their kids. So what should they do if they want to stop their darlings from swivelling their innocent little hips or striking a pose? How should they control the urge to yell at their toddlers to stop? Parenting skills definitely come into the picture. We want our kids to understand the limits and boundaries we set up and yet we don't want them to grow up thinking we are bullies. Depending on our kid's nature that sends a bad message - either that it is okay to bully if you want your way or that it is scary and very intimidating or that you hate your parents. 

So how do we get the message across more tactfully? We aren’t born with such skills. In the old days they used to come from experience, our own parents, books by experts and trial and error. Today, they might be from all of the above plus reading the net – not only what the experts have to say, but also through online discussions with other like minded parents. 

Here are a few suggestions.
  • If parents are good dancers, perhaps they could join in – dance with their kids in a way that is fun and yet more acceptable, show their kids a couple of slightly challenging steps that they might admire more than a hip thrust or a moue of the mouth.
  •  What if our kids find OUR dancing offensive? Unbearably clumsy? Embarrassing in front of their peers? Perhaps they could watch other kids dancing on dvd or join a dancing class for fun.
  • What does a parent do if the child still continues with those hip grinding moves in spite of all their sensible parenting skills? You’ve got me there. I honestly don’t know the answer to that. Your thoughts and suggestions welcome.
What I do know is, weakly giving in because we don't want our kids growing up feeling denied or psychologically damaged is not an option. On the whole, I do feel parents should set limits. To my mind very young kids, for their own safety should grow up with a clear idea of what the demarcations are. As they grow, they could be given more (and more) choices.   

I feel kids who know their boundaries grow up feeling less confused, more secure and infinitely safer. And that’s a great psychological advantage over kids who have no sense of what they can and can’t do because of lack of parental guidelines.

To end, here are two scenarios – one is a toddler beauty pageant with lots of pictures and the other, two young kids jumping about energetically on Youtube. 

 

If I had grandkids, I know which of the two I’d like them to emulate.

14th November, Jawaharlal Nehru's Birthday, is Children's day in India
The United Nations observes November 20 as Universal Children's Day
Info gleaned from this wonderful post